Tired.

Tired of:… Laying awake as the thoughts tumble around inside my brain.

… Looking at the scars on my arm, wondering if they’ll ever fade.

… Looking at the people looking at my scars, wondering if they’re wondering where they came from.

… Questioning every thought, is it my own? Logical? Illogical? Rational? Irrational?

… Being paralysed from making a decision, so scared about the foundations of my own judgement.

… Being sensible and trying to do the right thing.

… The same old shit. Every day. The same old feelings that this will never end.

… Putting a positive spin on things. 

… Championing a decision not to harm myself as some sort of victory.

… My head spinning every time I stand up.

… Being overweight and useless.

… Making excuses for being overweight and useless. 

… Pain.

… Explaining myself over and over, but nobody understanding.

… Feeling alone.

… Trying to get the puppy to walk properly on the lead.

… Being on the brink of tears.

… Being on the brink of explosion.

… Being on the brink of anything.

… Hoping that somebody who can bring my writing to a bigger audience, will notice my writing.

… Questioning this whole open and honest endeavour. Is it working? Is it helping others? Is it helping me?

… Leaning on others.

… Being a burden.

… Wondering what the hell i’m gonna do with my life.

… Shutting others out, when I’d just learnt to let them in.

… Intentionally listening to sad music.

… The circular nature of life.

… Hoping for a change that never comes.

… Despair.

… Being tired.

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Tired.

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